A Valuable Guide to Surviving the Crypto Apocalypse

This is probably the end.

All indicators turn red, the colors of despair and surrender.


If you’re here, I think it’s because you’ve ignored all of your uncle’s advice and perhaps even your inner voice telling you to invest sparingly. Maybe, like me, you didn’t do your own research, all those candles on the chart ended up lit up in your mind. And your mind, color-blind under the influence of emotions, did not distinguish green from red: you just invested. Lot. More than you can afford to lose.

If I’m so easy to tell you about it, it’s because I know how it happens.

So, between crypto degens – or if you don’t like English, let’s say crypto crazy, if you like – between crypto degens, we have to support each other. And that is why I am writing to you. And I hope you realize that you screwed up too. Recognizing this is very helpful. This is even the first step towards healing (at least it seems so).

You see, I also lost in cryptocurrencies. Very much. And guess what? I am still alive. More alive than ever. So I know where you are right now, and trust my experience, you won’t die. I know how not to die. How to make sure that when the dust settles, you are still standing.

This is a step by step process.

Because at such moments there is no room for explanations. Or you will listen and survive. Either you don’t, or you won’t survive. You might think that this is a bit of a stretch, but you are wrong.

You see, experts and very important websites tell you that you should be afraid, because all the indicators are gray, black or red … or even hell.

So, let’s get down to how to literally survive the crypto-apocalypse. In 5 easy steps.

Step 1. Food and water.

Therefore, first of all, we must continue to provide life support. When times are as apocalyptic as they are now (the price of all cryptocurrencies is still at the bottom and promises to fall even more), this calls for doomsday measures. If you think I’m kidding, let’s get out of here like those idiots did during the boom of 2017 and the crisis of 2018. I tell you, 2017 and 2018 were not pretty: 200 billion cryptocurrencies thrown into the fire. , like this.

So I tell you, you must eat. Food is key. Because dying is useless. Those who died in 2017 had no idea that bitcoin would still rise to 69,000 sacred dollars in November 2021. You must eat. And I know it’s not easy when you have nothing left with this surrender (the word surrender, you see, comes from caput, which means head; surrender tends to twist the brain, I tell you from experience).

And you have to keep hydrating. It is very important.

The adjustable bath holds approximately 300 liters. Come on, fill me up. And dive into it, it’s nice. I would also recommend bottled water, but now is not the time, with all this business, to look for the sacred bottle of Norwegian luxury.

Take what you can get, and as long as the electricity is still connected, you can still boil rainwater if necessary.

Step 2. Weapons and Security

Once you get enough water and canned food, you need to equip yourself.

If you don’t have access to a weapon or live in a city where you are treated like a child, it’s best to find a weapon as soon as possible. Baseball bat, golf club, pry bar. Anything.

Step 3. Shelter and warmth

There is no Metaverse or pixel land to keep you warm and protected. No, this is wrong. It’s as real as it gets. If you live in a dorm, roommate, or other place where there is even the slightest chance of HODLERS, Monkeys, Degens, or anyone else associated with the crypto subculture, you need to get out now!

You’ll never know until it’s too late.

I’ve seen it before. The quiet kid in the hallway who stays alone and plays video games? Well, what you don’t know is that this kid hasn’t slept in days, he’s been staring at red screens of death for hours non-stop, his shirt is covered in macaroni and cheese in the microwave of previous days, Mount Dew is coursing through his veins and watching his life is falling apart. It’s ready to explode at any moment and you don’t want to be there when it happens. Believe me.

If you are in a city, it is usually recommended to get outside, unless of course you can secure and protect the entire perimeter, including from top to bottom.

Leave the city now, before it is invaded and infected! And don’t go to sea Whales, you remember the whales that piled up and start asking themselves questions! I repeat, do not go to sea.

Step 4. Positive thinking

Positive succeeded with Justin Bieber, Oprah Winfrey and others. Will Smith has been into it recently too, I’ve been told. This will work for you too. You just have to believe that you will get better and you should stop moping. What’s done is done, what’s lost is lost.

From my good friend Jocko Willink (Navy Seal) I learned one or two things: Push-ups are a depressed person’s best friend. Try doing a hundred push-ups. Blood circulates, sweat flows, you feel alive.

Breathe slowly. Breathe deeply. Give yourself time to philosophize. Practice mindful meditation and all that. Don’t be afraid to face yourself. Your cryptocurrencies have fallen, not you. So shave off that shaggy beard. Think of your neighbor who might take you for a vagrant who wants to take over the building.

Don’t be afraid to open up to people you trust. And most importantly, don’t make that funeral face. You still survived the COVID pandemic. There were thousands of little deaths that you could die from. But you are still standing.

Of course, this is all satire. It is inspired by all those people who say that the current sluggishness of the cryptocurrency markets is preparing us for a real crypto apocalypse.

Source: freely adapted from

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Luke Jose Ajinaku

The failed cryptocurrency investment in 2017 not only did not dampen my enthusiasm, but only increased my enthusiasm. Therefore, I decided to study and understand the blockchain and its many applications, as well as pass on information regarding this ecosystem with my pen.

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